But, regardless of whatever it is, perhaps you’d feel stronger dealing with things in a family counseling situation. Sometimes involving a dis-intersted third party would help to alleviate some of the stress, or help explain things if you find it difficult to.

The other thing I was wondering, do you have anywhere to turn for support for yourself. I’m a big fan of talk therapy, simply because it helps to unload, cry, analyze, have my perceptions challenged/broadened in a healthy way.

If you are struggling to do this on your own, you are making things unnecessarily hard on yourself. You do owe to yourself to find a person (friend or professional) in which you can safely process your fears and concerns, whatever they may be.

Best wishes with this. Truly. You are a strong woman and I know it’s hard to face the challenges you face, but I believe you can do it.

I’ve always sensed that I would have been able to handle the truth about my family’s situation (divorce and subsequent remarriage), if only my mother would have trusted me enough to talk with me about it when I was older and started having difficulties with her. Instead, I was forbidden to talk about or ask any questions with regards to what happened between her and my dad, and why my step-dad and her didn’t get along either.

Oh, I’m not necessarily saying she had to share the gory details, but even trying to explain what happened and how she felt about it, other than anger and resentment. I think she tried to render herself immune to any emotions other than anger, because she would then be vulnerable.

I think she despised being vulnerable, but in warding that off, she caused a little more harm than being honest about how life was for her. I think I would have had a lot more sympathy for what she was going through (trying to raise 5 kids), and even though I couldn’t have solved her problems, I would have understood why certain things had to be a certain way and I wouldn’t have been so angry. Having the truth of how she felt swept under the rug really didn’t do any of us any good. The reality is that she thought we shouldn’t know, or rather all we should know was that my dad was the biggest jerk ever, and it hurt us kids.

We tend to think of our mothers as all-powerful, and it’s difficult to think that they shouldn’t be all-powerful all the time. But in reality, I think seeing how a mother handles some of the difficult aspects of her life and carries on in spite of them shows the children that they will be able to do the same should difficult times befall them.

I try to keep open communication with my children, and I weigh what I think they are mature enough to handle and dispense just enough of the truth to see how they react, and answer any questions if they ask as honestly as possible.

For instance, I told the truth of what happened to my daughter’s first grade teacher who is very sick with cancer. I told her what she had, what it meant and how the doctor’s were working hard to heal her but really nobody would know the outcome. At school, they are very hush-hush with the students (understandably) but I wanted to be truthful because if her teacher should pass, I wanted her to have some time to process it and not just have it sneak up on her. My oldest took the news just like I thought she would – she was sad for a bit of time, but bounced back from it. She has since made extra special cards for her every few weeks. We continue to have conversations as she needs.

We even watched an episode of Arthur (The Great McGrady) where the lunch lady was diagnosed with cancer. It was a way to open up some more conversation.

So maybe you might want to talk to your children, one at a time, and tailor the conversation to each one. Allow them to ask questions but if you aren’t sure how you want to approach the answer or you don’t know the answer, be truthful and tell them at this time you don’t know.

Best wishes. It will be okay. Kids are pretty resilient and usually very forgiving for parental mistakes if the parent owns up to their own humanity and makes an effort to amend them.

Any picture yet of T wearing his so much anticipated glasses??