Posts Tagged ‘psychology’

Go on, give it a try. It’s a very short little video and if you haven’t seen it before I’d be interested to know whether you were fooled the way I was.

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Here’s a link to a new blog written for Psychology Today by a professor of evolutionary and developmental psychology which intends to “explore the roles of play and exploration as the foundation of learning”. He presents evidence for the importance of child-directed activities in the development of self, and explains how traditional schooling may not be the best way to educate our children.

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Mirror, Mirror

00015It’s taken me 42 accumulated years of parenting to realize something very important. It’s been a slowly dawning realization helped along with the reading of countless psychology books, but I believe it holds true for interactions with everyone, not just children.

People want to be heard.

It’s as simple as that. Sure, sometimes they come asking for advice, and sometimes they want help, but for the most part, what they really want is a listening ear. They want complete validation of what they are feeling.

It occurred to me with an actual zing yesterday that my only real job as emotional support staff in this house is to be the mirror that the kids need. They need someone to be there to listen when they feel upset, so that they can hear their own voices spoken and heard. They need to be able to express their feelings (verbally, or sometimes, especially with younger children, physically), and have those feelings validated. They need to know that whatever they are feeling, it is okay. They benefit from having someone help them in recognizing and naming those feelings, and they need a place in which to experience their feelings for as long as they have them.

Once they have felt what they feel, and know what it is they feel, they’re suprisingly able to find solutions for their problems without any help. Oftentimes they don’t even seem to need solutions.

It is not a parent’s job to fix their child’s problems. It is a parent’s job to give the child the emotional support they need to fix their own problems.

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