The older my kids get, the more I’m hearing from other people how unusual they are. Unusual, in that they will sit quietly for an hour while I’m at yoga. Unusual because of the way they look directly at adults, and have conversations with them. Their consideration for younger siblings of friends. Their openness. Their kindness. Last week I had the comment that there was a certain “something” about them, an intangible quality, a “goodness”. You’re doing such a good job with them. What do you do so that they listen to you like that? How is it that you ask them to do something and they just do it? Is R always so kind to L? They seem like they’re such good friends. They seem so responsible. She must be your oldest, she’s just got that maturity about her. I heard from a good friend, a wonderful parent, that she was floored by the way R treated her younger daughter “like a person” when he came over to spend time with her older son. I hear that they are so “respectful” on the phone, that they sound so mature.
It’s hard to know what to make of it. My kids seem very ordinary to me. They bicker, and complain, they’re messy, and they often motivate me to go for a good long run when I have to spend all day in their company. I don’t think that they’re model citizens, or especially well-behaved. I love them dearly, but they’re certainly not angels. I’m not a model parent. I’m very, very human. I yell, I make scathing judgements about their personalities and go on the occasional generalized rant about ungrateful brattiness. I spend many an evening simmering in guilt after the madness of the day is over and they’re finally in their beds.
I do know that I don’t have to worry about their behaviour when they’re out of my sight, and that I can count on them to rise to the occasion if I ask them to, but I’m not really quite sure what it is that I’m hearing. Are kids these days so different from mine? Am I that out of touch?
It might just be the classic scenario of kids being much better behaved in public than they are at home.
I think it’s all the attention they get from you, and the interest you show in their daily lives. In my opinion, many kids get less and less attention from their ‘busy’ parents these days, and I think that this may cause them to distance themselves from real life situations, like speaking to other adults or showing empathy towards other children.
In short, you must be a good role model. 😉
Do you see the effect of busy parents on the kids you teach? Do you think kids are different now than when you were a kid?
Nope, honey, you are out of touch. :p Seriously, I hear it again and again, that my kids are happy, relaxed, friendly, playful without being obnoxious, considerate, polite…. and then in the next breath the same person will ask me if I don’t think my kids should be with other kids more. Huh?
Would this be so that my kids can learn rude language and how to beat the snot out of little kids? I don’t get it. I don’t want to get it.
I agree that my kids seem very ordinary to me. They sometimes bicker, play jokes on each other, and my 11 yo thinks passing gas loudly on the leather couch is hysterical- although he only does it when my dd is around to shriek loudly. But they seem to understand some sense of propriety- they know that some behaviors, while marginally OK at home, are NOT acceptable in polite company. 😀
I’m not sure about kids being different from when I was one (can’t say I noticed too much other than my own little world when I was a kid!) Though I do notice more bad language being used by kids than I can remember as a kid. I think this is from TV/movies though.
As for the effect of busy parents on their kids, there are examples from both sides of the spectrum, both good and bad. Some parents seem able to handle a busy life while still being able to connect with their kids. Others…well, you notice a lack of respect (and positive communication) for the parents. Maybe you could argue that these parents wouldn’t take an active role in their kids lives, even if they weren’t as busy, though.
I’m a real walking contradiction today! Bottom line is that kids need time with just their parents, because it’s us who can influence them the most.